Sfx: front door closing. Melancholy music starts.

When you daughter moves out, you might get ‘Vacant Stare’.

Standing at a window. Eyes glazed. Mouth agape. About to clock up a million miles on Contemplation Airlines. Lucky for you, there’s no baggage limit.

Contemplation Airlines is paging Mr No Daughter. Paging Mr No Daughter.

Hello?! Anyone home. Yes. Just you.

When your kids leave home avoid Vacant Stare. Adopt a dog.

Sfx: Dog bark

Go to replacethem.co.nz. Brought to you by the Pedigree Child Replacement Programme.