MVO: I remember that night as if it was yesterday. Old General Lee, he was all-of-a-skitter. Couldn’t sit still, dang pooch.
SFX: DOG BARK.
MVO: And the TV.
SFX: TV TUNING.
MVO: Then them lights from the east, zipping all over like fireflies.
SFX: UFO.
MVO: I knew something bad was gonna happen…
INTERVIEWER: What did you think it was?
MVO: Them government types, all decked out in their fancy black suits and shiny shoes. They knew. “Just a coincidence”, they said, “maybe they took a vacation. Florida, it’s nice this time of year”. Florida my eye. By morning they’d all gone. Everyone. Taken. All that was left were 32 blood-ringed craters.
INTERVIEWER: But they came back, right?
MVO: No son, they didn’t come back. Lifeless imposters, skin like porcelain, that’s what came back!
ANNCR: Once gone, forever gone. Strengthen your teeth with Darlie Double Action Enamel Protect.